


You Can't See Him?

by honeyyandpeachess



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Artist Gerard Way, At Four AM, BTW, Bottom Frank Iero, Car Accidents, Forgive Me, Grief/Mourning, I Wrote This Instead of Sleeping, Illusions, Its only implied tho, M/M, Musician Frank Iero, My First AO3 Post, Past Relationship(s), Sad, Schizophrenia, Top Gerard Way, idk how to tag, just in case you didn't know
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-10-16
Updated: 2016-12-19
Packaged: 2018-08-22 17:38:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 4
Words: 3,859
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8294341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/honeyyandpeachess/pseuds/honeyyandpeachess
Summary: Gerard never seemed to have this problem before, he knew Frank was long since dead, a tragic car accident claiming his life years ago. Yet, he begins to see his long lost friend out of the corners of his eyes, then he begins appearing in plain sight. His brother thinks he's insane, and takes him to multiple doctors who say it may be a case of schizophrenia, but he's positive Frank is still there, or is he?





	1. Why'd It Have To Be You?

Gerard shook his head, filling up his mug with more coffee before walking back to the living room to stare at an unfinished painting from the late night before. He reached over for his phone with warm hands, checking the time but also seeing that he had multiple text messages from his brother Mikey.

From, Mikey Way: Morning G

From, Mikey Way: Y'kno, its been 3 years now

From, Mikey Way: How r u holding up abt that?

Gerard inwardly cringed, he knew what today was, what the three years meant, and sometimes he wished he didn't know. Today marked the third year of his best friend's death. Frank Iero died three years ago in a tragic car accident when he couldn't be stabilized. Gerard hated remembering this day, it reminded him of the pain of losing one of the people he loved the most.

To, Mikey Way: you just as well know how im doing, mikes.

He felt a little guilty that his message may have come across as rude or cold, but that was how he felt inside that day and he hoped Mikey would understand that. He let his back slump against the faded leather of the couch, cradling his cooling mug of coffee close to him. He gazed over at the picture that he had covered up, it was of him and Frank, with Mikey photobombing in the background. That was two weeks before the accident, and was the last time they were together before Frank went on a trip out of the country.

He couldn't stand to look at the photo after that, but he cherished it too much to destroy it, so he covered it up with a drawing he made of a heart that was held together by stitches that seemed to be tearing at the seams. Feeling warm tears fill his eyes, he clenched them shut tightly, feeling his heart pound in his ears as he sat in the silence of the room.

From, Mikey Way: I kno its hard, G. i miss him 2

Gerard bit his lip, of course, how could he be so insensitive? He had asked himself, he wasn't the only one missing Frank. The boy seemed to light up the lives of everyone around him, his smile that stretched across his face, his adorable giggle that brightened the whole atmosphere. His amazing personality that nobody could ever turn down or dislike. There were many more things Gerard missed about Frank, and just thinking about them set his heart into a twist.

To, Mikey Way: im sorry, mikes i know you do too i just dont know why it had to be him.

Every year the date of October 31st comes around, Frank's birthday, and the day he died, Gerard always asks himself why it had to be him, out of all the people who could've been in that accident, it had to be Frank. He had felt each of the five stages of grief, dreading each one of them.

Denial and Isolation: He knew it was this because he refused to believe Frank was really gone, he pushed everyone away, including Mikey.

Anger: He lashed out at anyone who even spoke his name, and kept screaming and yelling about how it wasn't fair and it shouldn't have been him.

Bargaining: Some of the acts that would count as bargaining were a bit blurry, he remembers saying one thing very clearly, "If only we went on that trip with him."

Depression: He almost claimed his own life, claiming he wanted to be with Frank wherever he was, and never wanted to get out of bed or do anything, he was waiting for death to overtake him.

Acceptance: After enduring every painful stage, Gerard just found it within himself to throw in the towel and accept that Frank was really dead.

It didn't get better with time, he told himself, whoever made that statement was lying, he still found it just as difficult to cope without Frank to this day, as he did three years ago. It was as if a piece of his own soul was torn out, and it left a hole so deep nothing could ever fill it. Gerard sat on the couch, bent forward, holding his head in his hands. He planned on just staying inside today, not communicating with anyone but Mikey, maybe.

From, Mikey Way: I kno its tough, stay strong G

Gerard tangled his fingers in his hair, giving a silent nod in response to the text, looking up slightly and not believing his eyes.

Because he swore he saw a curl at the end of some hair, laying on half a quarter of pale skin that could only belong to Frank Iero.


	2. Why Can I See You?

Gerard blinked, and he was gone, what he could see of him was no longer there. He rubbed his eyes, squinting with a pained expression.

To, Mikey Way: mikes. i just saw frank. i saw him. right out of the corner of my eye. i saw his hair. it was him. i swear.

Gerard threw his phone onto the couch, pacing back and forth, running his hands through his hair. That couldn't have been Frank, Frank was dead, Gerard knew that, he wasn't coming back, ever. Why was he right there? He asked himself. Gazing over at the unfinished artwork on the canvas near his couch, he decided to begin a new painting to keep his mind off of Frank. He had forgotten what he was trying to create in the early hours of the morning before he attempted to sleep. He left the living room for a split second to gather a new canvas, along with his paintbrushes with a palette and paint of course, and some water. Setting up his area, he sat hunched over on the couch, trying to keep all thoughts of Frank out of his head. He let his hand do all the thinking, not stopping for a second to check what he was splashing onto the white canvas. By the time he stopped for a second, he looked at the painting, he painted a small boy, appearing to be lost, but what caught him off guard was that the boy in the painting looked just like Frank.

From, Mikey Way: Ur thinking abt him 2 much, try 2 paint to take ur mind off him

To, Mikey Way: i tried, mikes. i painted him. nothing is working i saw him and i cant stop thinking about him.

To, Mikey Way: i miss him so much, mikes.

From, Mikey Way: I kno, G

Gerard took the nearly finished painting and aggressively threw it across the room, he heard it collide with the wall and he fell to his knees on the floor. He screamed, louder than he ever has before, a broken, torn up sob.

"Why the hell did it have to be you!!" He wailed to no one, "Why, why, why," he pounded his pale fists on the floor. "Why did I see you," he mumbled, quieter than before. "Why were you there?" Gerard lay there, on his floor in a crumpled heap, asking pointless questions out loud to himself. His phone kept chiming with messages from Mikey, until he decided to call. Gerard picked himself off of the floor and reluctantly answered. "Yes?"

"Gee! Please tell me you're okay."

"I'm d-doing as good as anyone who l-lost their best friend and love of their life three years ago, and all of a sudden sees them out of the corner of their eye would be doing. Mikey, h-how the hell do you think I'm doing?"

"I'm sorry, Gee."

The only response from the older's end was a deep sigh. "I know, Mikey. I am too," he croaked dryly. He heard Mikey sigh, then with a simple 'It's gonna be okay', he hung up, the small clicking sound from his phone giving a signal that his brother was no longer on the other line. Gerard carelessly tossed his phone on the floor, piling his limp form on his raggedy couch. He spent the day away lying on the torn fabric in his living room, hours upon hours passing until it was nearly 8:00. Gerard didn't do anything that day, he sat and sobbed, mourning Frank's death like he did every year, taking a day off from being strong and letting his composure collapse. He dragged himself from the couch and onto his feet at approximately 8:30, going to his dimly lit room and digging through his bedside drawers in search of something.

His eyes lit up upon finding the desired object, a small box-set full of DVD's that they made either while Frank was recording or Gerard was painting, something they planned on looking back on years later and laugh at how silly they were. He carried the precious box to the living room, sliding a disc into his DVD player. Gerard sat down on his peeling couch once more, gazing at the screen once the disc started playing. Gerard eyes watered as he saw Frank on the screen, mesmerized and bewildered with what he was painting, yet at the same time smiling gleefully as Mikey held the camera with bony fingers.

'Oooh, watcha' painting, Gee?'

'You'll see, Frankie.'

'C'mon, just tell me!'

'Hold on, my goodness.'

'So, when's the wedding, you two?'

'Can it, Mikey!'

'Jeez, Gee, chill,' Mikey laughed, turning off the camera, ending the small clip.

Gerard felt streams of tears run down his cheeks for what seemed like the millionth time that day. He held back a smile as he saw Frank smiling in the multiple clips on the disk, his only wish being that the boy could be here with him, watching the videos with him, smiling, cuddling on his old, torn up couch with him.

"God, Frankie, I miss you so much," he whispered. Looking back up at the screen, he saw an image on the left side of the television, next to his cabinet. It was a ghostly olive-toned hand, littered with tattoos on the fingers that seem to spell: H A LL O. Gerard blinked, and it was gone like the image he saw earlier this morning. He picked up his forgotten phone with shaking fingers.

To, Mikey Way: mikes. i just saw him. again.


	3. Is This Real?

Gerard was in a panic, this was the second time today, and just as the image was there, it was gone, lingering for only a few seconds. Gerard tangled his hands in his inky black hair, tugging on the dark strands. He bit his lip with immense concern for his sanity, this wasn't normal, he was sure everyday people who never had any mental health problems before would see something that wasn't there. Yet at the same time he felt it was completely possible.

From, Mikey Way: G, tht doesnt sound normal u shud try 2 get som rest, take ur mind off of it w/out thinkin 2 much.

To, Mikey Way: mikes, that isn't gonna work. i'm just gonna see him in my dreams.

From, Mikey Way: Just try, G

But Gerard couldn't. He was too on edge to sleep, his fingers twitching, as he fidgeted with a dirty paintbrush, dragging his thumb across the bristles. The film continued playing, forgotten as Gerard attempted to steady his breathing. His mind kept racing to the hand he saw earlier, and how much he longed to hold that hand again, to feel the calloused fingers laced with his own, to grip them tightly as he told him over and over again how much he loved him. He wanted to see those hands make the little 'okay' symbol, no matter how many times Gerard laughed and told him that it was actually an 'F' in sign language. He wanted to see his hands thrash around as he expressed himself, to see them grip the strings of the guitar, as he passionately strummed with the other. More importantly, he wanted to feel his roughed up, but delicate hands on his face again as they kissed, to feel them threading in his hair when Gerard bit his bottom lip and lightly kissed down his neck.

Gerard felt it was for the best if he didn't let his thoughts wander further, not wanting another problem besides his aching heart, which would totally cause mixed emotions. He felt the tears cascade down his face, as they non-stop had been doing since that morning. He attempted to close his eyes, they burned under the harsh lighting of his living room, as well as from all the crying he'd been doing, but he opened them immediately, once he saw images of Frank behind the closed lids. He missed the small male more than anyone could guess, and seeing the love of his life long after his death was not helping one bit.

He let memories of the young, dead musician invade his troubled mind, specifically remembering the times when Frank would giggle and turn a little pink whenever Gerard called him by a pet name. Gerard let a sad smile grace his face as he remembered the seemingly dumb nicknames he gave to Frank, he called him a number of things. They weren't your typical 'babe' or anything like that, though that did slip a few times. They were cutesy nicknames, like: flower, dove, angel, sugar (Mikey always made fun of him for that), the list went on. Gerard's mind wandered to a much more innocent place, and he found himself smiling, wiping furiously at his eyes though there was no one around.

To, Mikey Way: god, mikes i cant stop thinking about him. i miss him so much. what if i keep seeing him. mikes, what do i do.

Gerard thrashed around on the beat up couch, more than likely ruining it even further, taking his anger out on the paint stained cushions. At that moment he wished that he didn't wake up that morning, he wished he didn't have to live out this damned day, wallowing in despair. He rose to his feet, scrambling to the wall and roughly flicked the light switch off, coating the room in darkness, the only lighting in the room provided by the bright city lights outside, which seemed way to bright for a day like this. Mikey never replied to his last text, most likely because it was going on 11:00, and unlike Gerard, Mikey had a stable and steady sleeping schedule. Gerard fell back on his couch, rubbing his tired eyes with troubled thoughts racing through his head. He wished he wasn't seeing things and that Frank's hand was truly there, next to his cabinet, he wondered if anyone else was there, if they would've ben able to see it too. It would prove that he was sane, right?

After another thirty minues of silent thinking, Gerard managed to convince himself that he wasn't crazy, and like Mikey had said, was just tired and missing him a lot. He felt that he could really use some sleep at the moment, honestly. He dragged his tired body to his bedroom, collapsing on his bed, that was in similar state to his couch. It squeaked beneath him, and Gerard remembered the scarring moment when Mikey stayed over on the same night Frank had, and gave the two of them a horrified look in the morning when the couple entered the kitchen for breakfast, all thanks to Gerard's damn squeaky bed. He tossed and turned on the seemingly empty mattress, trying to get comfortable, moments later his mind and body finally gave in, allowing him rest.

Though the sleep overcame him like a blanket in itself, his dreams weren't too pleasant. The dream took place in a lush forest that Gerard wasn't very familiar with, he'd never seen a forest akin to that in New Jersey, it seemed very foreign to him. Then Gerard himself was in the forest, and just out of reach amongst the trees, was Frank. Gerard screamed out to him but no sound came out, he reached out with his arms, the limbs flailing about, but couldn't reach him, his legs were glued to the forest floor, unable to move. Frank made no attempt to move towards Gerard, just stood there and stared with the puppy eyes that Gerard loved so much. The younger didn't even blink, and even when Gerard tried so deperately to do so much as touch him, his efforts were futile. Seconds later, Frank disappeared and Gerard awoke in a cold sweat, his face stained once again with tears. He checked the time, the clock on his way too bright phone screen read: 2:46 AM, a time Gerard gawked at upon seeing. 

"Ugh, to hell with it," he frowned, sleep didn't seem like an option tonignt.


	4. Am I Okay?

Gerard awoke the next morning with a painful ache in his body, considering the way he slept that night, it wasn't surprising. He rolled over on his bed, hearing it squeak, and grabbed his phone, looking at the digital numbers on the screen it read: 11:06, pretty late for him, but he honestly didn't care. He unlocked the device and scrolled through multiple messages from Mikey, most were sent a few hours earlier, but the most recent one was a few minutes ago

From, Mikey Way: Is he gone??

To, Mikey Way: just got up. haven't seen him yet.

From, Mikey Way: Good i guess?

To, Mikey Way: i dunno.

Gerard made his way to the empty living room, grabbing his sketchpad and a graphite pencil on his way out of his room, deciding that working on his latest project for work was probably a good idea. He snapped at himself when he realized he forgot his knead eraser, it was worn out and he really needed a new one, but Frank got it for him, and he didn't have the heart to get rid of it. He walked back to his room, kneeling beside his drawer and opening it. He rummaged through the contents, moving around a few charcoal pencils and his special art markers, before finally setting his eyes on his worn out knead eraser next to a little black box with paint stains on it.

Gerard picked up his eraser, and pulled the small box out with it, he knew what this box was, and he mentally kicked himself for letting Frank enter his mind once more as he remembered what he planned to do with the small box that he held in his hand once more. Months before the accident, Gerard was planning to propose to Frank, he knew he wanted to spend the rest of his life with the shorter man, yet, he told himsef to wait until after his trip so that it would be an extra special surprise. Gerard never got that chance.

Gerard threw the little black box on the ground, scowling at it, he clutched his knead eraser in his left hand and stormed out of the room, feeling very angry and disappointed in himself. He quickly threw himself on his couch, and began working on his project, but wasn't able to focus with angered thoughts filling his brain. He wished he proposed to Frank before he died. He wished Frank hadn't died. He wished the last words he said to him were, 'I love you' instead of, 'See you when you get back!'

To, Mikey Way: dammit mikes it's all my fault. i just found his damn engagement ring that i never even gave him. can you imagine if i did. he might've stayed so we could celebrate. this wouldn't have happened. dammit it's all my fault!

Gerard typed furiously, his sketchpad forgotten next to him. He would forever blame himself for Frank's death, no matter how many times he may be wrong.

From, Mikey Way: No G, its not ur fault, it was just a v bad, wrong, messed up chain of events. I'm v srry, but its not ur fault, no matter how many times u say it is.

Gerard set his phone down, trying not to destroy everything in his living room, and pressed his face into the couch cushion, not exactly for a purpose, but his brain hurt, and the couch was very kind to him.

Gerard only lifted his head up for a split second, before coming face to face with his dead lover. This time it wasn't just from the corners of his eyes, and it wasn't just a little bit of him. This time, it was his full, beautiful face, the ghostly image holding his beautiful features. His dyed black hair, that grew out just a little bit before the trip, his adorable puppy eyes with baby doll lashes gently fluttering over them. His cheeks that were tinged pink, his little button nose that held the metal piercing, along with plump lips that also had a piercing. A faded carbon copy of the dead musician that he loved.

Gerard reached a shaky hand out to touch, but was met with nothing, and the image vanished, leaving no trace of ever being there. Gerard let out a very faint whisper of, "Frank?" before letting his hand rest across the arm of the couch.

This was definately not normal, and it most likely meant he wasn't okay, not this time, for the past two years he always ended up being okay, but this time he wasn't, this time Gerard Way was not going to be okay. He wiped at his eyes, his hands becoming slightly wet with tears on his fingertips. This was a big deal, and he didn't know if he should tell Mikey or not.

Gerard sat silently and thought about this dilemma for a few hours, not looking up from his hands, too afraid that he'd see him again. He knew Frank was dead, yet there he just was, ghost-like, but there, his elbows resting on the armrest of the couch, head supported on tattoed fists, right in front of Gerard's face. Gerard sat quietly for a few moments more, rubbing at his temples to attempt to relieve the tension. His head really hurt, his brain felt sore, and he didn't know if that was a healthy feeling or not.

After battling himself for hours, he decided to tell Mikey, he still hesitated, afraid what was to come afterwards.

To, Mikey Way: mikes, i just saw him, again. he was right in front of me, i could see his face and everything. he was very faded but still as beautiful as ever. mikey, i dont know how to feel, on one hand, im kinda glad im seeing him, i haven't since he...you know, and it kinda feels like he's there. but on the other hand, i'm horrified because i know he's dead.

From, Mikey Way: Tht's it, we're going 2 the dr tmrw, we're gonna c whts up with this.

To, Mikey Way: okay?

Gerard honestly really didn't want to go, but he really needed to know if he was okay, and with the way things were going, that didn't seem very likely.


End file.
